Newsletter Issue 17
✨ NEWSLETTER #17 — “Yeti Takes the Kids to the Pet Store”
Hey Humans, It’s Yeti…
If you’ve ever wondered what chaos looks like on four legs, sit back—because today’s story involves me, my three children, and a pet store that was not ready for us.
FEATURE STORY
The Day Yeti Took the Kids to the Pet Store (And Immediately Regretted Everything)
Humans, let me start by saying this: I love my children. Truly. They’re the reason I wake up every morning and think, “Maybe today they won’t embarrass me.” And every day they prove me wrong.
So the human decides we’re all going to the pet store “for enrichment.” Now, I’m a Great Dane. I’m always enriched. Please give me a snack and a sunbeam, and I’m basically enlightened.
But the kids hear the word “store,” and suddenly we’re acting like we’re training for a triathlon. Thor is sprinting back and forth, Mocha is jumping like she’s in a cheerleading audition, and Spicey Pumpkin… she’s staring at a bird outside the window like she’s planning a documentary.
We get to the store. The doors slide open like we’re entering heaven. And instantly, everything falls apart.
Thor sees a display of stuffed ducks. He believes—deep in his soul—these ducks are alive. So, he barks. Not a normal bark. A “Dad, I’ve discovered wildlife indoors!” bark. Humans drop things. The clerk screams. The ducks do nothing, because again—they’re stuffed.
Meanwhile, Mocha discovered the treat bar. She believes it’s a buffet. So, she just… starts eating. And humans? You need to label things better because I swear for a sign that says, “Salmon Sweet Potato Snaps $6.99/lb” might as well say “Free samples.”
Spicey Pumpkin, though? She’s still focused on birds. The store’s bird section is basically her Super Bowl. She stands there motionless, staring like she’s narrating a National Geographic special.
And me? I’m trying to keep everyone calm, but I’m also being stopped every five feet by humans saying, “OH MY GOSH, THAT’S A HORSE.” Listen… I get it. I’m tall. But if I hear one more human ask to “ride me,” I will file a lawsuit.
Then the disaster happens.
Thor knocks over a bin of tennis balls.
Now, usually, tennis balls are human entertainment, not ours. They bounce. They move fast. They require effort. But something about a mountain of tennis balls ignites the primal instincts of every dog within 30 feet.
Suddenly, every dog in the store is having a midlife crisis.
Thor is diving into the pile like Scrooge McDuck. Mocha thinks it’s a competition, so she’s collecting balls in her mouth like a furry forklift. Spicey Pumpkin is trying to grab one but keeps getting distracted by their rolling—she wasn’t expecting movement, and she’s offended.
And I’m just watching it happen, thinking, “Of course. Of course, the one time I try to be the responsible parent, we end up starting a sporting event.”
A worker tries to help. Thor thinks he’s playing. Mocha thinks the worker wants to race. Spicey Pumpkin believes the worker is a large bird. She stares at him in awe.
Then the manager comes over. You know that walk humans do when they’re trying to look calm but are absolutely panicking inside? Yeah. That one.
He kneels, looks me dead in the eyes, and says, “Sir, please control your family.”
I would love to. Truly. But I have the same control over these children that humans have over their Wi-Fi—none. Absolutely none.
After what felt like seven hours, we paid for a bag of treats, some toys, one bird staring session, emotional damage, and we headed home.
The human says, “That went well!”
And that, humans, is how I know you don’t see the world the way I do.
SECOND ARTICLE
Great Dane Tip Corner: “Surviving Outings with a Giant Breed”
Great Danes in public are like celebrities: everyone stares, everyone asks questions, and we have no sense of personal space. Here’s how to make outings smoother:
- Socialization matters more than you think
Regular exposure to stores, sidewalks, people, kids, noises, carts, and chaos helps create a calm, confident dog.
- Bring high-value treats
Positive reinforcement solves 90% of problems. The other 10% are solved by snacks you didn’t want to share.
- Train impulse control early
Teach “leave it,” “wait,” and “stay” before taking a Dane into a store. Otherwise, you’re essentially walking a refrigerator on roller skates.
- Watch for overstimulation
Danes get excited quickly, and when we do, we become tornadoes with paws. Take breaks, step outside, breathe, reset.
- Know yourdog’slimits
Some Danes love outings. Some prefer the couch. Respect their personality, not your Instagram goals.
- Keep leash pressure soft.
We respond best to calm guidance, not tension. If you yank, we yank. If you walk confidently, we do too.
With preparation, consistency, and snacks (mostly snacks), outings can be fun for everyone—including the store workers who now recognize your dog as “the big one.”
CLOSING
“Remember, humans: if a store doesn’t allow dogs, ask yourself—should you be allowed there?” — Yeti
👉 Read more Dane chaos: GRDane.com/blog
👉 Listen to Yeti’s podcast: GRDane.com/podcasts/
