Newsletter Issue 16
NEWSLETTER #16 — “THE HUMANS HAVE MEETING ENERGY”
Hey Humans, It’s Yeti…
Welcome back to another issue of Yeti’s Big Dog Wisdom, where I, your world-famous 150-pound life coach, explain how humans keep making life more complicated than it needs to be. Grab a snack. Preferably two. You forget how big I am.
FEATURE STORY
Yeti’s Biggest Complaint This Week: Humans Have ‘Meeting Energy’ at Home Now
Humans used to leave the house for work. I remember those days—quiet mornings, the sun shining, the promise of uninterrupted napping. Then something happened: you all discovered “remote work.”
Now the house is full of energy, and I don’t appreciate it.
First thing every morning, my human sits down at the laptop and instantly becomes a motivational speaker for strangers on little squares. “Hey team! Big week! Let’s crush some goals!” Meanwhile, I’m behind the camera, trying to crush a squeaker, but suddenly I’m the problem.
Humans act like they’re conducting world peace negotiations every single day. And for what? You’re muting and unmuting yourselves like it’s a competitive sport. I’ve never seen creatures so afraid of their own mouth noises.
And don’t even get me started on the phrase, “Let’s circle back.” Circle back to what? You all can’t even walk in a circle correctly. I’ve watched you. One wrong carpet corner and suddenly I’m the hazard.
But my real complaint is this: your meetings interrupt the entire rhythm of the house. You humans go from calm to chaos faster than my kids do. One minute I’m asleep, dreaming of a bacon buffet. The next, you yell, “WE NEED TO PIVOT!” and suddenly I’m awake, wondering who pivoted and why.
And listen—don’t sit there acting like you don’t talk differently in meetings. Your voices get all high and smiley. “That is SUCH a great point, Stacey!” No one in this house speaks to Stacey like that off-camera. I’ve seen how you complain about her casserole.
And every time you say, “Sorry, my dog is barking,” no, I’m not. I’m communicating. I’m telling the Amazon man to leave the snacks and step away.
But the worst part? Humans forget something fundamental: Great Danes need attention. We’re basically toddlers who learned how to be enormous. So, when you’re in your 47th meeting of the day, I’m forced to communicate with body language. And my body language is I’m sitting on you now.
There you are trying to discuss quarterly figures, and suddenly you’re muffling a scream because 130 pounds of love has landed in your lap. That’s on you, not me. If you wanted boundaries, you shouldn’t have brought home a horse.
My children don’t help either. Thor tries to join the meetings like he’s applying for a job. Mocha brings a toy and drops it at the perfect moment when someone says, “We’re looking for fresh ideas.” And Spicey Pumpkin—my little overachiever—thinks every Zoom call is her moment to debut her new bird-watching podcast. She’ll stare directly at the camera like she’s negotiating a Netflix deal.
Listen, humans. You’re allowed to work. You’re allowed to have meetings. But maybe…and this is just a suggestion…maybe schedule your life around my naps, not the other way around.
I’m not saying cancel your job.
I’m saying at least mute yourself when I’m dreaming about lunch.
SECOND ARTICLE
Great Dane Tip Corner: “The Art of Managing a Big Dog in a Small House”
Living with a Great Dane can be one of the greatest joys of your life—and also the leading cause of stubbed toes. Here are the essentials:
- Danes need space—but not as much as you think
We don’t need a mansion. We need space to stretch out. Most homes already have one perfect Dane spot: the area you walk through every single day. We claim chokepoints as it’s our birthright.
- Build a predictable routine.
Feeding, walking, playtime, naps—Danes thrive on rhythms. If you don’t set a routine, we’ll create one ourselves, and trust me, mine involves chaos and snacks.
- Exercise is not optional
A tired Great Dane is a good Great Dane. A bored Great Dane becomes an interior decorator with bad ideas.
- Invest in supportive bedding
Our joints need love. Orthopedic beds help prevent many problems later. Also, buy two beds,one for me and one for you to ignore, so you can sit on your couch instead.
- Socialization saves lives (and shoes)
Please introduce us to people, dogs, and environments. The earlier the better. Otherwise, everything becomes a surprise. You do NOT want a 150-pound dog to be surprised.
- Train gently, consistently
We respond to calm leadership. Yelling does nothing except make us wonder if you’re hungry.
Raising us is work—but it’s joyful work. And we’ll repay you with loyalty, comedy, and the occasional foot-numbing lean.
CLOSING
“Remember, humans: productivity is good, but belly rubs are better.” — Yeti
👉 More wisdom, chaos & dog logic at:
GRDane.com/blog
GRDane.com/podcasts/ (Podcast)
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